Last Tuesday, I had to call Mrs. Rodriguez about her son Miguel throwing pencils at classmates during math. Her immediate response? "My Miguel would never do that. He's an angel at home."

Ay, dios mio. Here we go again.

After 22 years in the classroom, I've heard every variation of "my child would never." They would never lie, cheat, hit, curse, or forget their homework. But here's the thing, we all know kids are different at school than they are at home. And that's completely normal.

The challenge isn't the behavior itself. It's navigating that conversation with parents who genuinely can't believe their little angel could do anything wrong.

Why Parents Say "My Child Would Never"

Before we roll our eyes too hard, let's remember where this comes from. Most parents aren't trying to be difficult. They're protecting their child the only way they know how.

Think about it. At home, little Sofia might be helpful, polite, and responsible. Mom sees her feeding the dog and helping with dishes. Of course it's hard to believe that same child is refusing to do her work and talking back to the teacher.

Plus, nobody wants to admit their parenting might need some tweaking. When we tell them about their child's behavior, some parents hear "you're failing as a parent." That's not what we're saying, but that's what they feel.

I learned this the hard way during my third year teaching. I was so frustrated with parents who wouldn't "listen" that I became defensive and accusatory. Guess how well that worked? About as well as you'd expect.

The Wrong Way to Handle It

Let me tell you what doesn't work, because I tried it all in my early years.

Don't get defensive and start listing every single thing the child did wrong. I used to think if I just provided enough evidence, parents would have to believe me. Wrong. All that did was make them dig in deeper.

Don't say things like "Well, that's not what I'm seeing here" in a snippy tone. Yes, I actually said that once. The parent went straight to the principal, and honestly, I deserved it.

And please don't take it personally when they question your account. I know it feels like they're calling you a liar, but they're usually just trying to make sense of information that doesn't match their experience.

Start With Connection, Not Correction

Now here's what actually works. Start by acknowledging what they're telling you about their child at home.

"I can absolutely see why this is surprising to hear. It sounds like Miguel is really helpful and respectful at home, and that says wonderful things about the values you're teaching him."

This isn't fake. It's recognizing that kids can be genuinely different in different environments. And it shows parents you're on the same team.

Then I usually say something like, "What I'm seeing at school might be different from what you see at home, and that's actually pretty normal for kids his age. Can we work together to figure out what's going on?"

Use "I" Statements and Specific Examples

Instead of saying "Your child was disruptive," try "I noticed that when I was giving directions for the math assignment, Miguel was making noises that made it hard for other students to hear."

See the difference? You're describing what you observed, not making judgments about the child's character.

I also try to give context. "This happened during our math block, right after lunch, when the kids are usually pretty wound up" helps parents understand the situation better.

Find Common Ground

This is huge. Look for something you and the parent both want for the child.

"We both want Miguel to be successful in math, right? And we both want him to have good friendships with his classmates. Let's figure out how to help him with both of those things."

When parents feel like you genuinely care about their child's success, they're much more likely to work with you instead of against you.

Share What You're Already Doing

Parents need to know you're not just calling to complain. Tell them what you've already tried and what you plan to do next.

"I've been giving Miguel some extra wait time when I ask questions, and I moved his seat closer to my desk. I'm also thinking about giving him a fidget tool to help him focus. What do you think would work best for him?"

This shows you're being proactive and you value their input.

When They Still Won't Budge

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, parents will insist their child is perfect and you must be mistaken. Don't take the bait.

Stay calm and document everything. Send a follow-up email summarizing the conversation. "Hi Mrs. Rodriguez, thanks for taking the time to talk today. Just to recap, we discussed Miguel's behavior during math class, and I shared some strategies I'm going to try..."

If the behavior continues and the parent remains uncooperative, involve your administration. But make sure you can show you tried to work with them first.

Remember the Long Game

Here's something I wish someone had told me earlier in my career. You're not trying to win an argument. You're trying to build a relationship that will help this child succeed.

Sometimes that means accepting that a parent isn't ready to hear what you're saying today. But if you handle it with grace and professionalism, they might be more open next time.

I had a parent who insisted her daughter "would never" copy someone else's work. Three months later, when the same issue came up, she called me and said, "Okay, I'm seeing some things at home that make me think maybe this is a pattern. Can we talk?"

The Gift of Growth

When parents can move past "my child would never" to "my child is learning," beautiful things happen. Kids get the support they need both at home and at school.

But it starts with us creating a safe space for those conversations. Yes, it's frustrating when parents can't see what we see. But remember, we're asking them to trust us with their most precious gift.

The next time a parent tells you their child would never do whatever they absolutely did do, take a breath. Start with connection. Stay curious instead of defensive.

And remember, we're all on the same team. We all want these kids to succeed. Sometimes we just need to help parents see that admitting their child isn't perfect is actually the first step toward helping them become their best selves.

Trust me, it gets easier with practice. And your relationships with parents will be so much stronger when you approach these conversations with empathy instead of frustration.